You may have arrived at this blog asking “why is it so hard for me to change?” or “what’s stopping me from actually making progress in my life?” Many leading psychologists, philosophers, professors, and leadership gurus have different takes on this fork in the road, but they all agree that this crossroads moment is pivotal for forward momentum. We are incredible beings and yet get stopped up and halt our progress when we think we were actually getting somewhere. Why is that?
Here is why we don’t change, put simply: control.
What keeps us from letting go of control?
The primary culprit for keeping us from letting go of the need for control is fear. At some point in our lives, a part of our soul was set off by fear. When we feel fear, we either connect with others for comfort or we isolate due to feeling out of control. When we felt panic, we learned to manage that fear by trying to symbolically control whatever we could. While control is an illusion, we still feel “good” or “settled” when we feel we are in control of the outcome.
What part of us should actually be driving the decisions of our lives?
I believe you are made with multiple parts: spirit, soul, and body. The primary driver of who we really are, or as some call it is the spirit. Letting our spirit drive the metaphoric vehicle that represents our lives, enables us to live from an accurate view of our complete brilliance! Living from our spirit – true self – we feel peaceful being in the present moment, feel like ourselves in our own skin, and enjoy a sense of wellbeing, energy, capacity, and internal strength. Your spirit is your wise brain that helps you develop strategy and the ability to execute well.
Here is what we’re made of.
As stated before, I believe we are multifaceted beings made up of three parts in one (spirit, soul, body). Physically, each of our bodies have 78 organs, 11 systems, and 100 billion neurons helping our single body function. How incredible is that! In the same way, our inner world is composed of many parts of the soul and spirit that make up our personalities. We truly are magnificently made! Many of my university students quote me in saying, “You are fancier than you think!”
If you or someone you know is struggling with transition or facing change, connect with one of our amazing associates at Crawford Clinics or call the office for a complementary assessment at (817) 601-5540.
What does it look like to have a functioning inner world?
In health, every system of our body, soul and spirit are in perfect harmony. In this state, we feel the most like ourselves! We experience peace, love, joy, patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control. The most important indicator here is that we feel the most like us! For example, in the morning you may set a goal and then actually complete it with plenty of energy in the tank to be fully present with your family by the end of the evening.
What causes mis-alignment in our soul?
Many of us aren’t operating from a fully functioning inner world. At some point, a part of us believed a lie. When we believe a lie, there is now a glitch in our internal world that produces a misalignment in that one area of our life. This is where there’s cognitive dissonance and we are simultaneously strong, clear, organized, and decisive in most areas but really struggle in one area. We get frustrated thinking “how can I be so strong and organized everywhere else except this one spot?”
The reality of willpower
Willpower, according to Oxford Languages, is control exerted to do something or restrain impulses. As the human race, we assume we simply need more willpower. The thing is, after we’ve gone through a number of start-stop-win-fail “restrain your impulse as long as possible” scenarios, we arrive at burnout. Anyone that has experienced burnout knows it’s a helpless, hopeless, and sometimes maddening state to be in.
Our soul is a boardroom.
To illustrate this next idea, go with me in this scenario. Picture a board room on the top floor of a fortune-500 company. Think about who’s in the room: CEO, CFO, directors, marketing experts, investors, assistants, secretaries, interns, and other executives (give or take). The key point here is the person that’s running the company is also the decision maker. In this case we can naturally assume that it’s the CEO. When the CEO is driving the discussion, decisions, strategies, etc., goals are achieved, and everyone is clear on the communication between each department.
By contrast, if an investor takes over and starts leading the meeting, making decisions, etc., there would be a misalignment of vision, allocation of resources and responsibility, and communication would be lost once the CEO is no longer in the primary seat.
This scenario can be applied to our internal world. When a certain part of our soul picks up a lie, we end up with the wrong part of us leading the board meeting of how we make decisions in our life. Think of the last time you were making healthy decisions and then all of a sudden, you were triggered, and before you know it, you are shocked at how easily you return to old habits you thought you had grown out of. That may be an example of an investor instead of the CEO leading your decision making.
We lean into a tyrannical minefield and think “if I don’t do it, it’s not going to get done, everything relies on me, I have no backup, there’s always something to do.” This misaligned part of us turns into a slave master and pushes us into workaholism and perfectionism. The side effects of being in misalignment tend to be, irritability, rationalizing irrational behavior, feelings of emptiness and total burnout. Any attempt to be the best version of ourselves through “willpower” or other behavior modification is thwarted by the misalignments in our internal world. We can have the best intentions to shift and change, but until we resolve and restore these misalignments, we see inconsistencies and end up back where we started asking, “why is it so hard for me to change?”
Connect with one of our amazing associates at Crawford Clinics or call the office for a complementary assessment at (817) 601-5540 to dive deeper into discovering who’s in your boardroom and how to get your CEO making decisions again
8 Steps to Re-aligning our Inner World
Take a deep breath. Pause. Stop for a moment. This can be a lot to take in, but there’s hope! Instead of diving head first into willpower alone, let’s do some due diligence and investigate the misalignment using the following steps:
- Get Curious: Observe the areas in your life where you struggle operating out of the following attributes: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
- Write down the area you are struggling to feel like yourself/act like yourself.
- Free Write: ask Jesus, what lie is my soul believing that’s causing my soul to take control instead of letting my spirit lead?
- Reflect: Ask Jesus to help you step back in the memory that caused that lie to feel true.
- Reset: Once in that memory, look at that part of you and offer validation, compassion, and repair for that part of you (also known as a corrective experience).
- Replace: Ask Jesus for His truth in exchange for the lie you’ve believed here. Visualize erasing the lie off your soul. Release the need to defend/protect/control in this area. Ask Jesus to write His truth on the tablet of your heart.
- Relinquish: Give Jesus the role of protecting you from whatever the fear was – your protector inside is most likely exhausted and Jesus is a welcomed source of strength and safety.
- Establish: Invite your soul to step back as the administrator/investor/director to allow your spirit to be the CEO in this area of your life again.
- Repeat: Be ready to restore right alignment regularly throughout the day as the soul is very accustomed to leading. Be intentional to usher your soul aside and let your spirit come forth in that area.
This is not easy, but YOU ARE worth it! The process will help you FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN!
We recognize the gravity of this process and are asking you to do the same. It’s not a cut and dry process and often involves deep traumas, wounds, grief, and sorrow. When entering into a healing/restoration process, give yourself margin, time, room for fun, and intentional connection with those around you. You are your greatest asset in life, and we want you to be leading well from your spirit/CEO! We believe in you and are cheering you on in this experience. If you are interested in diving deep into internal alignment, but aren’t sure where to start, connect with one of our amazing associates at Crawford Clinics or call the office for a complementary assessment at (817) 601-5540.